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Knee Deep in Christmas Lists?

December 18, 2010

As of today we’re officially knee deep in December. We all know what that means; dropping all of our last minute hints infront of everyone we know who still has a little bit of cash left. For all of you proactive holiday participants, congrats on finishing your shopping in March… Lets just hope whoever you bought that summer weight-loss book for is still chubby. For the last three months I’ve been tryin to decide what I want for christmas. For the first month I did some deep meditating over all of my options. The next month I spent most of my time researching (I take my wishlist seriously). Camcorder or digital SLR? Sony or Canon? MAC or PC? Alien or predator?! Blonde or brunette?! What do I do?! I can’t decide!… Breathe… Now, take a deep breath… Brunette, definitely.

Making this list was such a long and grueling process but, I think I’ve finally finished. This is the part where I grab my favorite crayon, a blank piece of paper, and get down to business… Five minutes later I realize that noone I know can afford any of this stuff. I can’t even afford any of this stuff! Before I go any further I’d like to thank reality for the much appreciated “cup check” (thanks reality, it hurts SO good). After I’ve fallen face first back to earth; now would be a good time to edit this awesome Christmas list (this one doesn’t hurt so good).

Instead of completely trashing the list I figure it may be a bit more lucrative to write two seperate drafts (two thumbs up for great ideas). Now, I have one list for my parents and loved ones and the other for Chris Kringle (that’s Santa). Atleast one person has to come through on something… I hope.

So, instead of keeping these lists in such a small rotation I figured it would be fun to share it with EVERYONE… And, if anyone at all feels obliged enough to make a dream come true, feel free to invest in a little piece of happiness (and by happiness I mean a 46″ Sony internet TV *cough* *cough*). Keep in mind that I asked for almost nothing lasy year and absolutely nothing the year before. *wink*

Santa

 

Sony NEX-VG10 Interchangeable Lens Handycam

$1999.99

 

46” Sony GOOGLE internet TV

$1399.99

 

Nikon D7000

$1199.95

 

 

15” Macbook pro (with all the fixins)

$3034.95

 

A girlfriend

($$$$$$)

 

 

Total: $7634.88 (before girlfriend)

 

Total: $7634000000.88 (after girlfriend)

Everyone Else

 

Flip Ultra HD Camcorder

$199.99 (Look! I dropped a “9”)

 

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World on bluray

$22.99 (which I will watch on my old TV)

 

Fixing the old Canon AE-1 I found in the back of my parents closet from the 70’s

$20 (hopefully)

 

Prayers for my old PC not to explode… (doubtful)

Free… as far as I know

 

A hug

($depends on who it’s from… mom=free… friends=?… hooker=$7… let’s avoid the hooker)

 

Total: $242.98 (before hug)

 

Total: $249.98 (after hug)

 

For anyone who was waiting for the word “Priceless” to find its way to the bottom of that list,  I’m sorry (and you can go jump off of something really high). Even though it may be a bit wrong or selfish to ask for gifts when all you can afford is bottom shelf sentiment and a cheap bottle of love, I feel like that’s a fair trade. Besides, its the thought that counts, right?
So… my choices are: wait for santa to cough up almost 8 grand or hope that my loved ones read this and find $250… Christmas morning isn’t looking so lucrative anymore… Loved ones, IM COUNTING ON YOU.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Lex

Don’t stop Howling…
OhKami’s Voice

 



Home Sick with Martha Stewart

December 11, 2010

Yesterday after waking up I was feeling a bit home sick. After being away and not calling home for a while I tend to get a little antsy. A simple solution for the problem would have been picking up the phone, running through my contacts, and calling the first person related to me… booooring. That wasn’t going to work. I needed something a bit more adventurous. So I turned on the TV and went straight to one of those home cooking channels. How does that solve my problem, you ask? It doesn’t… But, I did learn how to make an awesome standing rib roast (now I just need enough money to be able to afford a rib roast). The rib roast show went off and then Martha Stewart thrusts her way into my television like a frustrated date.

Let me paint a picture for you… I’m laying in the center of my bed under about 10 pound of blanketing on a cold friday morning. My remote has been knocked off of my bed or night stand or what ever it was sitting on (I can’t quite remember). My TV is on the opposite side of the room and my arms aren’t quite long enough to reach anything that would aid me in my efforts to change the channel… I’m stuck. As much as I would like to get up, roll out of bed, and start my day with something other than Martha Stewart’s face; I would so much rather choose the option in which I’m not required to move. Thus, Martha is now a part of my life, and I am a much better person for knowing how to make home made jingle bell wreaths and kitchen sink cookies (god, I could taste the sarcasm in that one).

After an hour of Martha Madness the home sickness returned, OH NO! The only thing worse than being home sick is being car sick… and stomach aches… and pneumonia… and STD’s… and cancer… and pollen. Ok, being home sick isn’t all that bad but, it’s uncomfortable. This is my second year in school away from home and even though I’m only an hour an a half away, it’s still annoying to have to make that trip. There’s my solution! I packed a bag, hopped in the car, bought some gas, then jumped on the highway without a second thought. After about an hour and some change of drivng I arrive at home ready for all the suprised expressions, giant hugs, and hopefully a home cooked meal from Nanna. Ding dong goes the door bell when your son is home and, guess who’s there to answer… NO ONE! This plan sucks. I fumble around for my keys and finally get the door open and not even the dog comes to greet me. It turns out that my parent were in south carolina picking my sister up from school for winter break (acceptable), my grand parents were asleep (eh, acceptable), and my brother just flat out ignored me like a jehova’s witness (UNACCEPATABLE). My family loves me…

The longer I’m away from home the more I start to appreciate all the little thing I never notice when I was younger. The golden glow that fills the entire house in the late afternoon is almost too inviting. The peaceful music being played by the wind chimes could soothe even the most restless of souls. The warm wintery scent of soft cinnamon and oils dances around the house as the comforting nostalgia kisses my cheek and brings out an uninhibited smile. Home sweet home (two thumbs up for cliches). This is the part where I throw down my bags and announce my arrival by making rounds to everyone’s individual corner and interrupting whatever the hell they were doing that was so much more important than answering the door.

My parents eventually came home with my sister and one of her friends from school; we all hugged and kissed and had a merry time with having everyone home at the same time. My home sickness went away. Martha Stewart was run over by a reindeer. And, they all lived happily ever after. Moral of the story; go home and see your family… it’s not that hard (even if they ignore you when you ring the door bell).

Lex
Don’t stop Howling…
OhKami’s Voice

Square Block goes in Square Hole

December 8, 2010
tags: , , ,

Last night I sat down and filled out an application for The Gap. Exciting, I know, it gets better. The application was online and, other than it using up way too much of my debatably precious time, was fairly simple. There were the usual required pieces of personal info; name, age, social security number, previous experience, yada yada yada. After you get through all the boring stuff, that’s when the fun part begins. You get to take an ASSESSMENT yaaay… The assessment was about fourty-something questions long with no time limit, but they only gave you fifty five minutes to complete it… I sensesome inconsistency here. The assessment was pretty much to make sure that who ever is applying is not a total idiot, so you would think the test would be really easy… You’d be 100% correct. The test was one step above “square block goes in square hole, round block goes in round hole.”
I finished the assesment within the allotted 55 minute time frame, submitted my application and went on with my life. The next day however (today) I decided to go down to The Gap and see if I could get the manager to pay me some attention. Great idea, right? Right! I walk in, we make introductions and he went to check out my application (which I was quite proud of). He came back after a few minutes and caught me dancing in the middle of the store as Kiss by Prince played over the speakers. Not embarrassing at all. After he finished taking notes on my oober amazing dance moves (which I’m pretty sure can’t do anything but help my chances) he informs me that everything in the application looks pretty good and that I passed the assessment… SWEET! He gives me a corny chuckle out of pity then let’s me know “You’re the only one I’ve had that’s actually passed it.” I laughed and then thought… I can’t be the only person who knows the difference between cargo pants and a cardigan (that’s a sweater for all you folks who couldn’t pass the assessment). The conversation ends and as I’m walking out of the store with my room mate (who was just as suprised at the manager’s satement) I’m feeling pretty confident. I’ve got a pretty good chance of getting this job. Then My room mate blurts out “maybe you were the only one who applied.” there goes all of my self confidence, right out the window.
I guess the whole point of this long drawn out story is just me wondering about the collective level of intelligence in our united states, or atleast The Gap. I used to be pretty confident in people, but, I guess age and experience are wearing down my naivety. Are people getting dumber? Maybe we need to make job assessments easier, then the unemployment rate would drop a bit.

Maybe, instead of getting smarter, we should try getting less stupid…

Lex
Don’t stop howling…
Ohkami’s Voice

Location:S Chapman St,Greensboro,United States

My World

December 7, 2010

Welcome to My World
Things here are a little different
You could say its a bit upside down
But don’t worry, gravity hasnt changed
Ill make sure u dont float away
Here the grass is blue and the sky is green
The clouds are still white
but their made of something a little different

While the Blue grass grows under your feet the wind runs by and
together they whistle a jazzy tune for us to dance to
Or if you choose
You could poplock and groove to the music the boys on ape mountain
throw at you
while they sing about the slums and what they used to do
But ill introduce you to them later

In this world
When you enter the forest you can hear the the trees speak
They argue about politics that nobody really cares about
They used to dance too
But ever since the wind and grass started whistling a different tune
They just stopped
But now they’re rooted so deeply into their platforms that they have
lost the ability to walk
The trees now sit around with their neatly combed leaves slicked back
with sap from the stab wounds of fellow tree’s backs
Betrayal runs deep in their roots
They cross their branches and pull the bark over their eyes so all
they see is what they think we know
. . . Nothing

Past the forest is ape mountain
Where the knuckle draggers dominate
Their extra baggy fur and fitted banana hats give each one a
sense of false individuality
They prance around the mountain beating against their chests and
slapping the ground
Searching for that brand new sound
They explore the rhythm of the basses and snares they have crafted
from hollowed out trunks of the trees they openly protest against
Because the tree is always trying to keep the monkeys down
Apes go crazy in the caves sippin’ on coconuts and throwin up bananas
Its what they live for
Because there Aint no party like a primate party cuz a primate party dont stop
They leap from cliff to peak and from peak to cloud
While they all do the same dance to the beat of their own drum
Because thats all they’ve got

At the foot of ape mountain is mermaid lake
This is where the primped and pampered underwater princesses of
atlantis prance around painting their nails and putting on their one
woman parades
And Those spoiled little ladies work for nothing because daddy
poseidon is already paid
So as they swim around with nothing but water between their ears
Theyve got not a care in the world
They hold up their clam shell mirrors
To check their amorphous up-do’s that never seem to stay in one place
no matter how much hair spray they use
Who cares if it kills the fish
Its not their problem
They ride around in their pretty red orcas and cute little
convertible manitees
Making their way to the mall to buy that new oyster shell push-up that
just went on sale
They flaunt for the boys up on ape mountain and make them go bananas
Mermaids are such a tease
But finding that one mermaid that makes you happy
Is the reason you learned to swim

While the pompous trees pointlessly prattle on about politics and
problems
The apes beat music into the skulls of the rest of the world
And the mermaids get lost in their shallow sense of self
I just sit and watch from the shoulders of my fifty foot robot
I usually sit in the cock pit behind the eyes
But today its kind of full from the thoughts I had to hide from the
sneaky alien spies
His jets start to fire and the grounds starts to shake
I clutch for cold metal as he flies away
I fall back
into reality

Just a daydream
So tell me
Whens the last time you took a vacation in your head
And let your imagination sweep you away
Try it out some time
You might be suprised
Your world might be just as warped as mine

Phenomenal

December 7, 2010

Phenomenal
It would bring tears to the eyes of a desert sky line
It made me steal a glance, double take,
Then check 1 more time just to make sure my eyes were workin rite
Because looking just once just wont satisfy me and the unjust lust I 
just discovered behind the wall of the seemingly justifiable  
reason I used for justification of the wandering eyes that just so  
happened to find their way to the most beautiful things I have ever seen
For a moment I thought I could take a glance every so often
Until I found myself totally mezmorized by this thirty-two piece ivory puzzle  
crafted by god signed sealed and sent overnight air on the wings of  
arch angels so that it arrived on Wednesday

Amazing
Its like sunshine in a daydream that has no end
Or the crescent moon peeking through the stars letting you know that  
it can do more than glow
It’s kind of like the sunset being born while the sky and earth kiss
And
Hidden behind her lips
Is power and light so intense
That after my heart melts
It turns to mist
And floats upward forming a storm cloud over my chest
And when theres no more heart left
Love rains down
Lightning strikes
I can finally see the light
I take a Deep breath
wake up feeling refreshed
And all this from just glimpse
If only you could imagine the things that go through my head when i  
see it

Breath taking
For some reason the air feels a little thicker
I get a little dizzy like my system was overloaded with a vision
More intoxicating than a mouth full of liquor
Its kinda like a Twister
That Runs through the room sucking up everything like a vaccum with a  
temper
Then it catches fire
Now a flamimg funnel replacing O2 with fumes my lungs arent used to
All of a sudden my lungs give out
I cant breathe
Panic sets in
But 
I like it
Now im fueled by a flawless flashy figure only a fool would  
refuse to fall for

Weak in the knees
Studdering
Choking on words
I cant even speak
Overwhelmed by the possibility that this may not be a dream
I dont even know your name
But i know in my heart
That your smile was made for me
With the same brush god used to paint the sky the earth;
Our fate

Short and Sweet

December 7, 2010

Children are amazing
They can do things that would make you think they had super powers
On a daily basis we witness extraordinary feats that we only read about in comic books
Their super speed that makes them look like nothing more than a blurry trail you’ll never catch
And screams that shake the earth to the core and leave you dizzy and stupified
Or their ability to fly from the tops of jungle gyms and monkey bars
But their most powerful ability is their provocation of thought

Ive had the privelage of meeting three of the most amazing little angels
I know that sounds a bit corny
But i believe they were god sent
With halos made from glow in the dark fruit roll ups
And wings that looked like tye dye dove apendages sewn together from YMCA t-shirts

Angel number one was a four and a half year old little boy
Who could talk your ears off
His name was isaiah
And in his face i saw my past
I felt like i was looking into a three foot 6 mirror
The natural curiosity in his eyes turned the world into a giant revolving question mark
Each time u saw his eyes twinkle it was like a loaded gun cocked and aimed right between your eyes
ready to blow your mind
At one point he told me he was tired of always getting the same answer no matter what he asked
He told me it kind of hurt
When instead of being honest people would say
“Ill tell u later”
All that answer could be was another empty promise
And empty promises are just hollow tips
That blow holes in the hearts of angels
So i started to wonder
Is that what he meant when he would say
“Please, dont shoot me down”

Angel number two was a four year old little girl
With a toothless smile that shone brighter than any supernova
Her name was zoe
And in her spirit I saw my present
Zoe was special
She was the only angel I’ve ever met who had the courage to take her halo from over her head And proudly wear it across her face
From cheek to cheek there was nothing but a mile of inconsistent space she filled with courage   
The more you saw her brightly lit halo the more you would wonder what else was behind it
Here’s the catch
The harder you looked the harder she would shine
which made it virtualy impossible to find any flaw
Beside her courage was a road to generosity
Which would explain why she passed her halo on
And i pass it to you

Angel number three was a five year old little girl
With a heart big enough to build a city on
Her name was kim
And in her heart I saw my future
She had enough love in one hug to smother an elephant
And enough confidence to make the sun feel like it wasnt shining bright enough
There was something in her eyes that tugged on my heart strings
I was caught in a time warp that turned my world on its side
Like I was riding on the wings of a butterfly to the end of a rainbow and tomorrow was my pot of gold
When she smiled I could see the confidence I envied 
I felt it through her eyes
Like love bombs falling from the sky
Boom boom… Boom boom… Boom boom
Lub Dub

A curious face
A courageous smile
And a futuristic love
Were all missing pieces of the puzzle
Each piece was presented by angelic figures falling from the fifth story of heaven
And now I am more complete than I’ve ever felt
Now i say thank you
Isaiah for making me remember
Zoe for making me a smile
And Kim for helping me become
Better

The Surrogate’s Song

December 7, 2010

Sing for the Piano
Dance for the drum
Feel for the strings
And breathe for the horn
The surrogate’s song