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Over-Worked and Under-Appreciated

December 19, 2010

While I was growing up my parents never told me that santa did or didn’t exist, they said my imagination did all the work for them. At the expense of sounding a tad narcissistic I’d have to say I love my imagination. It’s always working in some pretty unpredictable ways.

Santa gets way too much credit for his job… Giving Santa Clause all of this credit for delivering presents is like singing happy songs about the mailman for bringing you the iPad you ordered back in June.  Instead of waiting for you to answer the doorbell he takes it upon himself to climb onto the roof of your house, slide down your chimney, and plant mysteriously gained products amidst your holiday decorations. Sound sketchy to you?

All these years I’ve had my suspicions about this “Santa Clause” guy… He’s just a figure-head for the giant Elf conglomerate biding it’s time until it fulfills it ultimate goal of world domination. Ok, maybe I’m embellishing just a little too much but, I do think that elves are under appreciated. No one ever sends the elves gifts or, leaves them fresh-baked cookies in a plastic wrap covered holiday plate (santa could totally take those cookies back to the north pole for them). No one sings songs about a stressed out little elf who saved Christmas by transferring Santa’s naughty/nice list into a functioning LAN database program in order to save time and parchment so they could make more baby dolls and 3D televisions while santa learns to use his iPhone to check his delivery route and post twitpics at the same time (that would be a really long song).

How does Santa keep up with all the cool new stuff that comes out every other day? He Doesn’t! All Santa does is hang around the water cooler until December 24th when he realizes that he’s the only one who can drive the sleigh. Think about it, what makes more sense: a fat old guy in a furry red suit and big black snow boots shimmying down a chimney (who the heck even has a chimney anymore) or, swift-footed elves squeezing through small spaces (such as air vents or unlocked windows)? When you compare the two the evidence would definitely lead me to believe that two or three elves could totally kick Santa’s butt in a gift delivering race… But, that’s only an assumption. By the way I’m pretty sure Mr. Clause actually skipped my house last years and, I don’t really appreciate it. I won’t inquire as to why it happened but, it happened.

What I’m trying to say is, give the elves their just dues. Send them a thank you note or a gift card to baby gap. Do something nice for an underappreciated part of the work force. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to keep going back to work every day if no one ever appreciated what you did and gave all the credit to some chubby old guy with too  much facial hair and a subtlety offensive laugh (ho ho ho? Yeah right. Can you say “pretentious”?).

So, write a song about an elf, leave some extra cookies (make sure you label them “4 elfz”), or send an extra letter. You never know, maybe you’ll get a “real” diamond in that engagement ring your boyfriend didn’t buy for you or, an extra 8 inches on that TV your wife said you didn’t need. You can make it happen with just a little “Thank You.”

This message has been approved by the Global Incorporation For Trinkets (G.I.F.T.) and elves everywhere (by that I mean the North Pole).


Don’t Stop Howling…
OhKami’s Voice

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